How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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