I think my vagina is haunted
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
