It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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