the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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