Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Let's get the cat blown out
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
