i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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