nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize