She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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