When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
