He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
