Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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