Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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