The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
