Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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