I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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