I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
