we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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