Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
