there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
