Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
