***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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