Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
