3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
