:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
