letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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