Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
