oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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