We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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