listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
