I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i now understand why vodka
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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