bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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