I can tuck mytits in my pants
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize