he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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