Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
