I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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