I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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