I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
