While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
