i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize