he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
