there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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