saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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