I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
