How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
