I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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