You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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