If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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