I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sarcasm needs its own font
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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