i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
