I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
