i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
