i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
