I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
