at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
