Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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