If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize