we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
