and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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