2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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