Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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