he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
