I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
