the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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