I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
